Maine Pride 2012

Participants in the 2012 Southern Maine Pride Parade

Yesterday afternoon I headed into Portland for the 26th Annual Southern Maine Pride Parade & Festival. I had attended pride parades in Taipei, but never in my own state and I was amazed at the sheer number of marchers and attendees cheering on the sidewalks - around 7000 by the estimates. State legislators, a libertarian US senate candidate, and Portland Mayor Michael Brennan marched with the procession. Portland Police Chief Mike Sauschuck rode in an open Mercedes coupe convertible as a parade grand marshal.

When I was really young, I don't remember hearing my parents describe anyone as "gay," but there were always friends and family who came around with their "partners."  There was the kindly old couple down the road who owned the Beach Store and used to have us over for Christmas parties. My cousin would often come to visit with his "friend." The only discussion of the issue I remember was mention of Charlie Howard, a young gay man who was murdered by teenagers in Bangor back in 1984.

Then came middle school and words like gay, queer, and fag became part of everyone's general vocabulary. In the 1990's there was a series of local battles over adding sexual orientation to the Maine Human Rights Act. I remember thinking how ridiculous it was that they didn't have those rights already, but I also remember the kids at the back of the bus making nasty remarks about it and I never spoke up about it. In fact, I hardly remember anyone saying anything when someone was ridiculed and called a "faggot," except a very few, usually girls who didn't put up with much crap from the bullies as a rule. However, I never knew anyone who was "out" in school and even those who I kind of figured might have been gay, didn't come out until college or later.

 I also never really understood what that must been like for them until years later when a friend admitted he was gay in a letter and at the end said, "I hope we can still be friends, but I understand if you don't want to be."

What I found most amazing yesterday was the number of kids in the parade, high school kids and even younger, marching behind banners with the names of pride organizations like Out As I Want to Be, Outright Lewiston Auburn, Proud Rainbow Youth of Southern Maine, and Omicron Delti Pi: Maine's First LGBT Fraternity. They were backed up by other organizations like PFLAG: Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays along with countless churches and religious groups.

They chanted slogans like, "1,2,3,4 - Open up the closet door! 5,6,7,8 - Don't assume your kids are straight!"

Two teenage girls standing and watching the procession next to me. "I have two cousins who are gay," one said.

Two middle aged women holding hands next to me were equally in awe. "Look at all of the kids!"

Her partner smiled and said, "This isn't controversial for them."

 During my first month in the legislature, when LD 1020 An Act to End Discrimination in Civil Marriage and Affirm Religious Freedom was submitted, I signed on as a co-sponsor. But when the first email came from a constituent telling me very bluntly that she opposed the bill and would watch how I voted, I was caught off guard. For some reason I thought of the kids on the bus all of those years ago. Back then, the idea of gay marriage was hardly even discussed when even granting other basic human rights like protection from workplace discrimination was so controversial.

A few of my older gay friends were a little aprehensive about the bill because they had lived through the sixties, seventies and eighties, often having sat in churches and listened to anti-gay sermons. One woman told me she was sick to think about having to endure a public discussion of what should be her legal right and all of the fearful rhetoric and hurtful dialogue that would likely come with it.

 But then came the flood of messages from supporters living in towns throughout my district. One began, "As you know, Lincolnville has a sizeable LGBT community..." At first I kind of laughed because I had never heard anyone say that, but I thought of all of my friends in our little rural, coastal community, all of the people involved in local business, church, and town affairs, all of the couples I had met at doors campaigning and the dozens of emails I received, and I realized, "Hmm...I think he's right!"

The day we voted on LD 1020 was full of emotional testimony. The level of support for the measure could almost be measured by the number of blue Equality Maine postcards from supportive constituents. The Portland and Southern Maine reps' piles overflowed, while a friend from a northern rural district who voted for the bill had a bundle of about two neatly tied with a ribbon.

Legislators told stories of having gay relatives and two told us about what it was like being gay themselves. There was talk about making history, but as my friend Rep. Steve Butterfield of Bangor said at the time, "The question is not about whether we are going to make history, but whether we are going to step aside and let history be made."

The next day I received this email thanking me for the support:

The legislation--if it holds--will mean that my partner of 22 years and I will now be able to enjoy the same legal rights as our straight married friends. I thought I didn't really care all that much about this--after all we'd managed all these years without it. But when I heard it had been signed I actually got teary for a moment. It's a big step in the right direction, isn't it!

There was a flurry of elation after the vote, but it was quickly tempered by the inevitable repeal petition, which came almost immediately. We were back in campaign mode. The divisive debate in the legislature was brought into communities across the state as determined signature gatherers went out soliciting support for a citizen referendum. At our own town meeting, tensions rose dramatically as our focus was drawn from routine municipal budget matters to the signature gatherer in the corner. Lesbian and gay residents in attendance painfully watched as their neighbors voted to take away the right they had just been legally granted.

 It wasn't a pleasant time and although initially I didn't receive nearly as many messages against the bill as I had from supporters, I could feel some resentment from a few. One religious conservative neighbor crossed out my last name on a large sign in his front yard, which I assumed had something to do with my vote.

We worked hard to defeat the bill and we came close. The hardest part was watching the returns on TV with two friends who intended to finally have their marriage legally recognized if the referendum was defeated. The only consolation was knowing that our little town voted to support marriage equality and even my conservative district narrowly defeated the repeal by 87 votes.

The wind certainly seems to be at our backs as we go for another attempt at passing marriage equality. Supporters have been out in force, raising money and pounding the pavement to convince undecided voters.

Attitudes are certainly changing rapidly, as is revealed in recent polling at  55% in support and 36% against. This is encouraging as the repeal of marriage equality lost 53-47 just three years ago.

So the nail biting begins, as we hope we can convince our friends and neighbors not to be afraid of something that is about nothing more than love and commitment. I feel for my LGTB friends who have to endure the uncertainty of knowing whether the majority of their fellow Mainers will grant them equal status and the most certainly ugly campaign that will lead up to the vote. It's hideous that they have to listen to such hateful, fear mongering  rhetoric like "sodomy-based marriage," which a prominent local marriage equality opponent has dubbed it. 

Nevertheless, I am cautiously optimistic that while Mainers can be cantankerous at times, I believe folks also strongly value fairness and equality and fear won't win this time. As conservative political operative and Gov. LePage's former communications director Dan Demeritt, tweeted last year,  "I signed the Equality Maine petition today. Tough times easier with loving spouse. I wish the same support for everyone."

This is one issue that we can finally find bi-partisan agreement this election.